Communication is important in your marriage, as it determines where you want to see your spouse towards the end of the day.
Most of the time, you will spend a large portion of your time wondering how you can express your opinions. Listening to what your spouse has to say and giving appropriate and meaningful responses is essential.
The direction in which your relationship goes depends on your ability to listen carefully. It is one of the best skills you can develop, as it is beneficial to you and your spouse.
There is one barrier which affects this important skill, which is being defensive. It is quite common and natural to be defensive, as you don’t like what you are hearing from your spouse. However, when you get defensive, it doesn’t bode well with your marriage.
Avoidance
One way you may act defensively is by trying to avoid the situation by refusing to respond to what your partner has to say. You may assume that being silent is much better than getting involved in an argument. However, this practice will only lead to the downfall of your marriage, as your spouse will start to believe that you never want to resolve any problem.
Attacking
When your spouse tries to bring something up, you tend to attack your partner, rather than being an active listener. For example, you may say that your spouse is reacting a particular way because of what happened in the past. However, this doesn’t work because you make your partner feel and look like the bad person, which weakens the bond with your significant other.
Playing the victim
One of the most common defensive mechanisms is to act like the victim and retaliate to what your spouse is saying. For example, you may say that your spouse is always right, while you can never catch a break. With this kind of defensive behavior, it hurts your spouse’s feelings, as it looks like you are not looking at the situation from their perspective. At the same time, it looks like you are trying to avoid the situation, rather than addressing the problem.