Over the last couple of months Marqus and I noticed that we just don’t date like we used to. Either schedules (ours/the kids), childcare, health, or just pandemic paranoia has kept us right in this house on the couch more than usual lol. I asked our social media followers what they feel is the biggest contributor to keeping them in the house and the top hurdles were time, childcare, and introversion. Which, honestly, is ours too! How do you fix it? Well let’s start with a few tips. Schedule the time-We all have time allocated to everything else. Kids, job, workouts, etc. but where is the time scheduled for your spouse? When I look back on my current season, although I’m a work from home entrepreneur I’m horrible at this. I can get the boys to where they need to be with all that they need, I can be at the church for all that is needed and planned but there is nothing set for Marqus. The more I started to see this come to light the worse I felt. This is something that I am definitely working hard to fix. It can be something as simple as setting a screen time timer on certain apps. I started this last night and already saw how much more time I had at night that I thought I didn’t have. I challenge you to take a moment and really look at what all is on your plate vs what you really have on your plate. After this, set it as a weekly/monthly standing date. Before the shutdowns we would go out every Saturday as our local YMCA provided childcare. Although it was only a few hours it was nice to get back to Marqus and Kayla even if only for a little bit. Protect it-This time needs to be prioritized and protected at all costs. We make sure we get to school, work, kids activities on time so we need to keep that same energy when it comes to our spouses. So if the babysitter cancels, try to find another ASAP (we always have a backup lol) but remember every date doesn’t require you to be outside of your home. Be flexible-There are plenty of Pinterest ideas for stay at home date nights and companies that provide date night in a box. There have been times where we just couldn’t get out so we improvised and brought date night home. One of my favs was a late night run to our favorite restaurant for take out and a paint by numbers kit. Granted the kits are still in the kitchen pantry it was the time that was most enjoyed. Busy schedules just mean re-evaluation of your priorities. I’m still struggling with finding the balance between work, home, wife, and Kayla but if I remember to keep the main thing the main thing the other things will fall into place. So make sure you are scheduling and protecting that time together also remembering to be flexible when things don’t turn out as planned.
What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of unity? Unity can be defined as the quality or state of not being multiple ; oneness. Is this what comes to mind when you think of your marriage? Do you allow the small stuff to create a big divide? While working with our mediator he gave us a HUGE nugget that we have learned to drill into our relationship. Its the rule of “Processes Vs. Relationship”. In any marriage you are going to have some ups and downs BUT you have to figure out which type of down is it? Is it a misunderstanding? A personality difference? A cultural difference? An upbringing difference? These all can cause conflict in any relationship but does it change how you truly feel for the other person? With this new season that Marqus and I are in, we are experiencing the downs of Processes. Here we are with TWO whole boys and everyone in this house has a very distinct personality (especially the two year old lol). Of course two different people are going to do things two different ways but you can’t allow that to get in the way of the relationship. How do you avoid this? Glad you asked! Discuss expectations– It’s always good to go in with a game plan. What do routines, chores, and budget look like? If there is a clear understanding it can eliminate a lot of misunderstanding. Allow grace– No one is perfect. Acknowledge that there will be times when things will not go your way and that your spouse has their own personality too. How many times have you messed up and God provided grace? Keep the main thing the main thing– This is where we are sitting right now. Learning that a full trash can or makeup across the counters does not mean that you love your spouse any less. This is just a part of being married and living in a space with each other. Remind yourself of why you said I do and ask yourself is this a relationship issue or a process issue and we promise this will give you a new look on conflicts.
A Man doesn’t need to be perfect to make a woman happy, all he needs to do is be the man he said he was when he met her 1. Be the man you said you were, the authentic you 2. Ask her what makes her happy, and things that you do that makes her unhappy. 3. Remember you set the tone, it doesn’t matter if she’s doing or not doing the things she use to.
Friendships are important. In fact, they are one of the most important relationships one can have in their lives. However, when a person gets married, it’s time for them to put their marriage first. Some friends accept this very easily, but other friends have a hard time sharing your time and attention with your newly married spouse. While it’s okay to have friends who crib a little about how they’re being put on second priority, it isn’t healthy to have friends who guilt you about this. We discuss three kinds of friends below that can be disastrous for your marriage – The friend that doesn’t understand your need for privacy – You know, the kind that always wants to spend time with you even though they know you now have housework to take care of? It’s okay to let loose and party with your friends occasionally but not at the risk of jeopardizing your married life. The friend that speaks ill of your spouse – Some friends don’t understand that your spouse is now your better half. When they critique them, it hurts as much as it would when they criticize you. Draw a line. Tell these friends that they don’t have the permission to badmouth your husband/wife in front of you. We eventually become our company, and you don’t want this kind of negative energy in your life. The friend that doesn’t acknowledge your Significant Other – Yes, there are friends like these too. Your friends should be able to communicate and share a friendly relationship with your significant other. If your friend doesn’t acknowledge the existence of your spouse very often, it’s because they’d rather that they didn’t expect. Recognize this behavior and call it out.
Love and respect are indeed equally crucial for a happy married life. There are lots of things that would feel quite disrespectful to your husband. Four such ways are discussed here. Manipulation with emotion Usually, women use moods to control their husband’s response. Sometimes, a wife makes her husband feel guilty in order to induce him to do something. They use the silent treatment, passive aggression, doling out demands, crying for exaggerating failure or pity to manipulate him emotionally. Questioning the husband’s decision They hamper their husband’s privacy and start asking how, when and why about every aspect of their life. Sometimes they also ask a question in order to insert their opinion or influence his decision and this is also considered as an act of disrespecting the husband. If a woman treats her husband in a way to show him that he doesn’t have a right sense of judgment then too she is disrespecting him. Criticizing the husband If a wife continually criticizes her husband for the petty matters of life, then she doesn’t have respect for him. She doesn’t acknowledge the good that he has done in life, and this gradually makes the husband lose his self-esteem. The wrong use of words can destroy a relationship and the right use can build it. It is up to you how you want to use the words. Comparing husband to others A wife must not treat her husband with other perfect guys, saying that he is not smart or knowledgeable. This is because no one is perfect and a wife must understand that her husband loves her. He shouldn’t have to prove himself to her time and again. But if a wife deliberately tells him to be like others because his own persona is not enough, then that is a disrespectful act. These are the four ways that a wife disrespects a husband and if you think you do them too, try to make amends before it is too late.
The 80/80 Marriage “Radical Generosity” This week we were challenged to look outside of the normal 80/20 and 50/50 marriage makeup and explore an 80/80 marriage. With the help of Nate Klemp PhD and his wife Kaley Klemp we dove into the book The 80/80 Marriage to breakdown the walls of old marriage thinking and explore 3 new elements of mindset. Contribution, Appreciation, Revealing. Be sure to tune in as we break these down and journey with us through this amazing book that can also be purchased HERE!
Marriage is a lifelong commitment. The two people involved in it are required to look after each other and cater to each other’s needs. A marriage cannot work if your spouse is not mindful of your needs and is not willing to serve you. Both partners must be ready to serve each other. They should not have to seek out another beyond their marriage to fulfill their needs. It’s a partnership. Want to know more about how you can serve your spouse?
Many people think of “sexting” as a harmless activity that poses no threat to their otherwise romantic relationship. However, if a person who is already in a relationship, “sexts” another person – it is cause for worry. If they indulge in sexting, it means they are not content with their relationship and are looking to meet their needs elsewhere. Sexting is no less than cheating and below we discuss four reasons why!
Join us as we break down 7 items that help build a healthy friendship in your marriage.