Communication (effective)+ Action+ Time = Trust
How do you build trust back into your relationship? Do what you say you are going to do when you said you were going to do it! Holding up your part of the deal builds consistency. If you are consistently doing, saying, acting and at where you say you are going to be then it makes it easier to believe you.
Have you ever heard of a trust fall? The trust fall is when you have your back to another and fall into them TRUSTING that they are going to catch you. This exercise meant to increase confidence between people. What does this look like in a relationship? “I can rely on you for my safety and success when I’m at risk personally and you can rely on me in the same way.” The hazards of the exercise are well documented (endlessly on YouTube) and there are lots of people who say it doesn’t work. This can be seen in our relationships when one person is hesitant while the other is all in. Where do you fall in your relationship?
We’ve come up with a little acronym to think through why your relationship could be lacking trust.
- Communication:
- How do you communicate the tough issues?
- Do you allow your spouse to express their true feelings?
- Are you defensive?
- Do you shutdown?
- Do you set aside weekly time to talk and reconnect? There’s something about being able to confide in your spouse about anything knowing there is always someone on your side who wants the best for you and always in your corner.
- How do you communicate the tough issues?
- Action:
- Are you doing what you said you would do? Sounds familiar huh? Doesn’t the saying go “Actions speak louder than words?”
- Are you putting in the same time and effort that you give your job or school studies? No really. Are you? We are in a time of wanting to know everything about everything. Just think how your marriage would thrive if you put that same effort into knowing what makes your spouse tick. What are their likes, dislikes, turn-ons, turn-offs? This list could go on forever but just think of how much stronger you can be.
- Are you guys going to counseling? Are you actually applying what you learned? Why waste the time and the MONEY to go and not bring the tools home. PUT SOME ACTION BEHIND YOUR STUDYING!
- Do you remember your vows? How are those holding up?
- Time: Are you giving spouse QUALITY uninterrupted time? Let’s be honest, life has been “life-in” since 2020. We get it! Work, kids, family, chores, and everything tugs on us constantly BUT above it all your spouse deserves the same, actually more time. Why? Glad you asked lol. BECAUSE THEY WERE THERE BEFORE IT ALL and will be there after it all too. I always think about what life will look like for us once the boys are gone. Will I look up and see a stranger because I focused on EVERYTHING else but him or will I feel free to love and serve him without any distractions. How often are you going on date night? How often do you have a transparent conversation, are you allowing your spouse time to breathe from parenting duties
What seems to be the “little things” can add up to mean so much overtime! Brick by brick (day by day) you can create a sturdy foundation, give it a year! Expecting this to happen overnight is not realistic. Think of building an actual house. It takes time, planning and patience. Treat you marriage the same. Talk through the process, put an action plan together and set goals with your spouse and the master builder (God). Look and see the areas where you are lacking trust (spiritually, emotionally, financially) and devise a 12 month plan to improve? Just like your job has reviews, so should your marriage.
With love,
The Stutsons