90% of married couples will tell you that marriage definitely changes after the birth of their child/children. It is understandable of course; there are new emotions to be felt, new experiences to live, and changes in the dynamics of the relationship a couple share. But one of the most common issues observed, especially right after the first child is born, is that the focus shifts almost entirely on the child with little or no time left for your partner.
Make no mistake, complaints come from both partners. It’s not necessary that the person giving birth or primarily raising the child makes this complaint. Even the partner who shoulders more of the other non-upbringing activities too feel a little forgotten. Take for example a mother who has recently given birth to her child. She needs time to recover both mentally and physically from a 9-month gestational period and then the actual childbirth. Her focus is on seeing how her baby sleeps, whether he is eating enough, whether he is protected adequately from pollution and direct sunlight at home. With her focus being almost entirely on the baby, she may overlook her husband’s well-being and his feelings.
Let’s on the other hand take a new mother who has adapted to her new role and responsibilities faster than the father has. The father is so in awe of his little girl with her little curls, small, crinkling eyes, and toothless laughter that he spends the entire day playing with her putting her to sleep, or simply just carrying her about in his arms. He may be so driven to provide for his new baby that he works longer hours, plans a new room for her 5 years too early, and miss on showing some love and care to the mother of his child.
Things run along the same lines even a few years after the arrival of a child. A couple may become so focused on raising their child right and taking care of all his needs that they forget to love each other. They forget their romantic dinners and naughty dates because it may seem inappropriate to do so with a child at home. Spending some quality, alone time is absolutely essential, when your baby can be taken well care of by other means, so you stay strongly united with your spouse. The birth of your children should act as bonds which bring you closer as two people who love and share a life together. You should not make it the reason to keep you both apart or be drowned under its weight.
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