Hey everyone! Today I wanted to do something a little different. I wanted to have a personal transparent moment with you. Marqus and I had a conversation with a very good friend about just life in general and he dropped nugget after nugget as he always does.
Let me set you up. Recently I was told I’m going through postpartum and dealing with anxiety at the same time. When they told me immediately my though was “Me? Nah, Titus is too old and I would’ve know earlier. Right?” And then went to “The Bible tell sis not to be anxious about anything and in all this take them to God in prayer.” So now I’m questioning my walk with God. It took a minute for me to calm my mind and realize even in this state of confusion God still had a plan, was still right there with me, and has set a path before me for a comeback.
With that being said I started counseling on my own and was shown a true reflection of where I am in life right now. Situations from my childhood that have been so deeply suppressed but now resurfacing with my own children. I feel that we as adults try so hard to not repeat the mistakes that we feel our parents made with us (or their spouse) we over compensate in our adult relationships and parenting styles.
I have gotten to a point where the cup that I try to pour from has been completely depleted and not by anything that Marqus or the boys have done but simply by the lack that I have had in taking care of myself. Mommas, ladies, daddies, fellas hear me when I say YOU CANNOT TAKE CARE OF OTHERS IF YOU ARE NOT TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF! One of the exercises I was given was to take a weekend away by myself to “recharge” and immediately my mind was like “No ma’am. Not an option. There’s too much to”. I was then reminded that I am not in this alone and Marqus is perfectly capable of taking care of OUR children. That one hit like a ton of bricks. It’s almost as if we as moms forget that they are their children too and it’s not babysitting for your husbands to be with the kids while you are away lol. Letting go of the routine and regions can be hard as we all know daddies have a tendency to do things a little different but at the end of the day is the kids are taken care of and the goals accomplished does it really matter? I was also told to take 15-30mins to myself after work to decompress and walk through the door fresh for my family. Again my mind told me all the reasons why I couldn’t. Even scenarios as to why Marqus wouldn’t be ok with it. Mind you I hadn’t even talked to Marqus about it lol. Ya’ll it was like I was going crazy and the truth it I was lol.
I say all this to stress to you that is ok to admit that you need help and you do t have it all together and I want to say thank you our friend that urged me to share this part of my life with you. We are not meant to have everything under control. If we did why would God call for relationship with him and unions of marriage? Mommas it’s ok to let go of that perfect lifestyle that you feel like you need to be successful. Mommin’ ain’t easy nor is the Wife Life but praise be to God for the men that He has chosen as our husbands and are equipped in all that He knew we would lack.
I pray that this is a help to whoever God wanted me to shared with. I’m yet praying for you and I hope you’re continuing to pray for me.